Parents Bullying Their Child to Lose Weight

Weve all read about, maybe even experienced it ourselves, children being teased, harassed and bullied if they are overweight. The heavier the child, the more intense the negative trifecta becomes. This topic often comes up when discussing classmate and peer bullying, but a new study also looks at obese or overweight children who feel bullied by adults in authority (coaches, gym instructors, teachers,) and their own parents.

Researchers from the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity, Yale University, gave 350 teens that had enrolled in two national weight loss camps, questionnaires to fill out. The teens were questioned about weight-based victimization including duration, location where the abuse occurred, who the perpetrators were and what kind of abuse they suffered.

Not surprisingly, results showed that a high percentage of bullying and teasing occurred at school (64%.) Most participants reported weight-based victimization for at least one year (78%) and 36% were teased and or bullied for 5 years.

The teens also noted who was responsible for the bullying. 92% said peers (classmates) and friends (70%.) Then the groups switched to the adults in their lives. PE teachers / sport coaches came in at 42%, followed by parents at 37% and teachers at 27%.

The types of teasing and or bullying were verbal teasing (75-88%), relational victimization (74-82%), cyber-bullying (59-61%) and physical aggression (33%-61%.)

Looking at these statistics, the saddest one of all is parents at 37 percent.

What we see most often from parents is teasing in the form of verbal comments, says Rebecca M. Puhl PhD, the studys lead author.

Some of the remarks made to teens about their weight come from well-meaning parents who are actually trying to encourage their child to lose the extra pounds. But other studies have shown " and former teens who are now adults can verify " that teasing, harassing and bullying by parents and relatives can lead to eating disorders and psychological problems such as disordered eating (bulimia, anorexia), use of laxatives and other dangerous weight-control practices (extreme exercising), as well as depression.

Puhl advises adults to lend a supportive hand to overweight children, especially those who are already suffering from bullying at school and by friends. 

She and other experts agree that overweight children need supportive, not punitive, guidance. Dont blame your child for his weight. Dinner-table comments like, Do you really need another piece of bread? will make your child feel badly about himself, which will undermine his efforts toward health.

Powerful biological forces maintain weight differentially in people, explains Dan Kirschenbaum, president of Wellspring, an organization that runs weight-loss camps and boarding schools. Some people find it more difficult to lose weight because of their genetics. This applies not only to adults, but children too. It is going to require more effort and a change in how weight loss is perceived. Losing weight to fit in or to try and copy an unrealistic body type is eventually doomed to fail. Losing weight to be healthier has a much better chance of succeeding.

Tying nutrition and health to weight is a more realistic approach. You may not achieve the current ideal, but you will feel better and be able to be more active.

Puhl and several other experts offer parents an outline of dos and donts for helping their overweight or obese children in losing weight.

-        Dont engage in fat talk, complaining about weight and appearance, whether its your own, your childs or a celebritys. Saying My thighs are so huge! teaches your child its acceptable to disparage herself or himself and puts way too much emphasis on appearance, says Puhl.

-       Dont promise your child that if only he or she loses weight, the bullying or teasing will stop. Another published study showed that the stigma around obesity often persists even after someone loses weight.

-       Dont treat your child as if he or she has " or is " a problem that needs remedying. This will make him feel flawed and inferior, says Ellyn Satter, a dietitian and therapist in Madison, Wis., and author of Your Childs Weight: Helping Without Harming. Do focus on a childs other good qualities, and encourage traits like common sense, character and problem-solving skills.

-       Dont ignore or dismiss bullying. If you suspect or know your teen is being stigmatized, talk to her or him about it. Questions as simple as Who did you sit with at lunch? can open a dialogue and help determine if she has allies or support at school, says Puhl.

-        Do explore your own biases around weight. If parents can get past their own inner bigot and be accepting and supportive, they can be of great help to children, says Ms. Satter. Ive seen kids with that secure foundation come up with their own effective solutions to the teasing.

-        Do focus on health, not weight. Promote a healthy environment for everyone in the home, says Puhl, not just the child who is overweight. Serve delicious, well-balanced meals, and encourage everyone in the family to be active in ways they enjoy. Emphasize the value of healthy behaviors rather than looks.

-        Do speak directly and matter-of-factly about your childs weight if he or she asks. Dont try to avoid the issue with euphemisms like stocky or solid, says Ms. Satter. Instead, she advises, tell the truth but re-frame the issue, saying something like Yes, you do have fat on your body. Why, do people tease you about it? Children are looking for information and guidance. You can neutralize a message thats often meant in a derogatory way, she says.

Some parents may believe that tough love is the answer. They may have been overweight when they were young, or are overweight now, and do not want their child to experience what theyve been through. So they remind their child constantly about their weight. Tough love is very subjective. What I may think is tough love, may be perceived as abuse by the person I practice it on. Adults are one thing, but children may simply not have the life experience to put it in perspective. Even teens " who often think they already know everything - are dependent on adults to guide them in the right direction.

Childhood obesity is a health problem that can be reduced through family understanding, healthy and nutritious meals and shared activities. Nagging, trickery and bullying doesnt accomplish anything positive.

The study was published in the journal Pediatrics.

Sources: Harriet Brown " New York Times weight/?ref=health         

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